Parenthood

“No one is ever quite ready; everyone is always caught off guard. Parenthood chooses you. And you open your eyes, look at what you've got, say "Oh, my gosh," and recognize that of all the balls there ever were, this is the one you should not drop. It's not a question of choice.”
― Marisa de los Santos, Love Walked In

All my life I wanted to be a mom. I was lucky to get that experience for the first time in March, 2010. My oldest son was born in a small Japanese "hospital". My husband was stationed in Japan at the time, so that's where he was born. The funniest part of it all is that he looks Japanese, even though he's not. He's the spitting image of his father, who is not Asian. He's the light of my life. We have a daily emotional roller coaster full of accomplishments and temper tantrums. That's what happens when you're two. It's a year full of "No." "Don't touch that." "Please don't throw a ball at your brother's head." My son is learning his boundaries, which can get exhausting. I don't know who lives for nap time more -- me or him. X (My son), is in the process of being potty trained. It's not something being pushed on him. He has fully initiated the process. He woke up in the middle of the night and told us he had to go. It was amazing how it just clicked. He was accident free for the first two weeks. I couldn't believe it! Then we had a problem with our house and we had to move. Since then he's decided that he's done with going on the potty. So back to the diapers we went. It's perfectly fine with me, since he only just turned 2 a few months ago. Then he decided that he'll try out the potty thing again. He does great if he doesn't have a diaper or a pull up and the bathroom door is open at all times. He'll just go in and go on the Elmo potty as if it was no big deal. Today we're trying something new -- underwear. Keeping my fingers crossed that it works.

I have 2 kids. X-- my outgoing, very friendly 2 year old and H-- my sweet, laid back *almost* 3 month old. It's amazing how different the two boys are. I remember 2 years ago when X was born. Being a new mom, I wasn't prepared. Don't get me wrong, X was not an accident or even a surprise. He was planned and prayed for. However, you're never prepared for being a parent. The long, sleepless nights, the full days of crying, the countless decisions you have to make: disposable diapers, cloth diapers, breastfeeding, formula, cosleeping, bedsharing, etc. All in all, I believe that whatever choice a parent makes is in the best interest of their child. It's not easy being a parent and making those choices. It feels like you're being judged, no matter which one you choose. X definitely had a preference on which parent he liked. He was a daddy's boy through and through. There was nothing I could do to change it. He cried if daddy wasn't home and it made me want to pull my hair out. However, H is completely different. He prefers mommy. I love it. He rarely cries. He's happy as long as I'm holding him or within view. I love spending every day with both my boys.

Nothing compares to being there for every trial and triumph in their lives. I love being ale to catch all of H's random little smiles and giggles. Its a gift to see the smile on X's face every time he successfully uses his Elmo potty. It's something you look forward to when you imagine having kids, but the feeling when it actually happens is amazing. It's something I never could've predicted. Parenthood is harder, yet better than I ever could've anticipated.