Wow. I can't even remember the last time I posted. I'm not sure what's bringing me back here, but I feel a strong pulling. Maybe it's because life has taken such an unexpected twist and I'm not quite sure how to process everything. I know no one will read this, but it does make me feel a little better to put my feelings out there instead of storing them inside. Now, I'll explain a little more...
Last Friday night, the 18th, I was getting into bed. I had a bad feeling that something was going to happen. My husband is one of "those" people that loves to do things that are dangerous. He finished a Tough Mudder earlier this year. Sure, doesn't seem dangerous, except that the one he completed, there was a death. In the group after his. For some reason that's always made me feel uneasy about him doing it again. He just lives for that thrill though. He was signed up to do another one, in the same area, that next morning. I remember looking at him and telling him to be safe and not to get hurt. I think that was the last thing I said to him after I kissed him goodnight and told him I loved him. I was very nervous and couldn't shake the uneasy feeling. Now, I know why.
Around 4:15-4:20 am, a strange sound woke me up. I looked over beyond my pregnancy pillow and saw him convulsing. The sounds that same were scary enough. Sounds that he couldn't breathe. The look on his face that he just wasn't there. His whole body shaking. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. So early in the morning that I was having a hard time comprehending what was going on. I grabbed him and said his name a few times, asking, begging him to just wake up. Telling him that if it was a joke, it wasn't funny. I pleaded for him to stop and look at me. "Please don't leave me" I remember crying as I grabbed his shaking body. I could tell he couldn't breathe. I've seen someone have a seizure before, but it wasn't that violent. My sister had one when I was 10 and I remembered they said not to hold her down. I had to do something though. His mouth was filling, so I turned him on his side. Next thing I know, blood was pouring out. A sight I will never forget is holding him on his side and watching as blood and foam stream down the side of his face. I cried, with everything in me, I wanted this to be nothing but a nightmare. I stumbled and grabbed my phone (still unsure of when I turned on the lamp so I could see everything, but somehow it was on).. When he stopped, his body laid there and it didn't seem real. He was snoring louder than ever and his body jerked with every snore. I called 911 and begged him to just look at me. Please, just wake up. Nothing.
I was a nervous wreck when the dispatcher answered. I told her I thought my husband just had a seizure. Gave her all our information, listened to the instructions to turn on the lights and unlock the door so the EMTs could enter. Then they hung up. I was in shock. His eyes opened, yet, he wasn't there. He just stared at me with this blank stare. I wasn't even sure if he was really seeing me. I begged him to just say something and nothing followed. I called my mom to inform someone. Not sure what she could do from 20 hours away, but I needed to talk to someone. Then, reality hit. My youngest son cried. I looked into the hall and he was making his way to me. I picked him up and he immediately stopped. I have no idea how he and his brother slept through all that. I know I was screaming before, crying, definitely not quiet at all, and yet, God kept them asleep. I will never know how they did it, but I'm so thankful they slept. I can only imagine what that sight would've done to them. I carried him around as I talked to my mom. He stayed very quiet, but wide awake. 18 months old and it's the first time I've seen him like that in the middle of the night. I had to set him down so I could finish getting dressed before the EMTs arrived. I put him at the foot of the bed and he looked at his dad. He whimpered and then climbed off and backed himself up against my dresser, just staring at his father. It's like he knew he wasn't really there. I grabbed some clothes and quickly changed out of my pajamas. I told my mother to call my best friend and ask her to come watch my boys so I could be with him when they took him. I never thought she'd get here on time.
Next thing I know, I hear banging on the door. The firemen start filing in and fill my bedroom. Asking all the questions I'm sure they ask everyone. Then, they try waking him. He opened his eyes for a few minutes but then grabbed the blankets and rolled over to go back to sleep. They tried taking his blood pressure and he just kept pushing the cuff off his arm. One of them pricked his finger for a blood sample and he brought his fist back like he was going to fight him. The next 20 minutes flew by as I talked to one Fireman about what hospital he's going to and I begged them to wait for my friend to show up so I could go with them. I got the directions just in case they left before I could. My son was still on my hip, being very quiet and calm the whole time. I threw some things in a bag just in case I'd be stuck at the hospital longer than expected. I got downstairs and they were all gone. I called my best friend and she said she was pulling into the parking lot and she'd watch my boys so I could go. I went outside and saw the ambulance still there. I went to the right and met with her and handed my youngest over. Then I ran (7 months pregnant) down the sidewalk in the opposite directions to the ambulance.
I hopped in the front seat just in time for them to leave. I called my mom on the way and explained what was going on. Before I knew it we were at the hospital. I was told to go into the front door while they took him back. I was still in shock. How could this be happening. I made my way to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. They told me to wait a few minutes before asking for him. I tried to just keep myself occupied. I couldn't do it. I lasted all of 2 minutes before walking up to the desk and asking for my husband. Before I knew it I was being walked back to see him. He was awake, but was confused. I listened as the doctors asked him questions and saw the struggle on his face when he couldn't even remember what year it was. Slowly I started to see him come back. As scared as I was, I was just relieved. He was back. The whole day was a blur as he went through a CT scan, then an MRI. We were told they found something on his brain. Then, they released us to go home with the instructions that he had to check in with a neurologist and a neurosurgeon. The next week flew by. Doctors appointments filled our week. We've received some pretty scary news this week. He has a tumor in his brain. It's what caused his seizure. He's on anti seizure meds. He can't drive for at least 6 months. The neurosurgeon wants scans every 3,6, and 12 months to keep an eye on the tumor. However, the neurologist wants this handled within 3-6 months. His future with the Navy is up in the air. He's back at work right now, but we don't know what the future holds. The tumor is in an area that could affect his personality and language skills. So he could turn into a completely different person. No matter what the future holds, I know we can face it together.
So now everything's up in the air. He could be having a craniotomy in the next few months. I will definitely be having another baby within the next 10 weeks. Once I do, I won't be able to drive for at least 6 weeks, so who knows how we'll be able to get around. So please, keep us in your prayers. I know we'll be alright, I'd just like to know how this will work out.
So maybe that's why I am typing all this out now. So in a few months when we're getting past all this, I can look back and see just how scary it was when it all began. I can be amazed at how everything worked out even though I couldn't see it. No matter what though, I will always be thankful that it happened when it did. If it had happened a month earlier, he would've been alone. Who knows how that would've gone.. no one to turn him over or call for help. If it had happened later that morning, he could've been on the obstacle course. Who knows how that would've worked out. God works in great ways. I'm sorry it had to happen, but now we know there's something in his brain that needs to be fixed. I'll try to keep updating a little more frequently. I know I'd like to have it as a reference when this is all over. Just in case someone did read ALL of this, thank you. I'm sure it wasn't an easy read, as it wasn't easy to type out. But the fact that someone managed to get all the way through it, I appreciate it.
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